Thought I saw you driving a Mazda mx-3 What is the meaning? You string words together Hoping the right combination Makes me drop The panties I'm wearing. What is the meaning of The combination of Syllables you create When I call you on your shit And you go back to the first time we met Like that's gonna change the impact of the hurt You're causing in the now What is the meaning? I took your mess I'll admit even as I was in Healing for the prior situation I had let myself into By forgiving too quickly N***** whose Middle name was getting over I took your mess I'll admit Giving you what you asked Anytime you asked Anything you asked Based on the strength of an attraction That burst out from that first encounter Turned out was just in my Head heart and soul Taking your lies lies lies Even though I knew As a child of God I deserved much more than This lack of self love You were pushing on me Disguised in sweet words Spoken in that Haitian accent I adored Sweet actions that Had my heart twisted around Your middle finger Had me believing No one would be so sweet to me Tall me Non-petite me Gigantic me Like you were ever again What was the meaning of The words you spoke that night in april After I had braided your hair in tiny tiny braids that took the whole night What was the meaning of those calls you made To me disturbing the space of healing I was trying so hard to reach Held up only by my God and Iyanla Who spoke to me in the morning time And in the night time when I was creating salt water for you What is the meaning of the sharp punch to The middle of my gut That knocks my whole day off balance And has me obsessing over You and the way you did me Despite the fact That I have one who is Even more affectionate than you? And shows it, Who supports me And allows me to be all the parts of me From baby to grown woman And Honors the creative in me? Who takes my hands and stops me from Beating up on me? Help me God to ease this pain Help me God to ease this pain Help me God to ease this pain What is the meaning of this madness? Yemisi Olotu April 23 1998

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