AB: Tell me about the first time you learned about Islam?
E: It was probably around the late 80's. I was hangin' out with Divine
Styler. He was basically at the end of his 5% period. He was starting to
come into Islam.He lived with the Bashir family. Abdullah Bashir was
sort of his teacher, and mine it wound up later. As he was making the
transition from 5% into Islam I would just be around and hear things.
I'm trying to think of the first time I recognized it AS Islam. I think
it was when one of Divine's friends took Shahada and I was there. I
heard him say "I bear witness that there is no God but Allah, and
Muhammad is the servant and messenger". And I remember me being like
"What is this? I'm white, can I be here"? It was outta ignorance, you
know? 'Cause here in America, Islam is considered a "Black thing". And
thats when someone pointed out to me "You have know idea how many white
Muslims there are in the world". I was like, "Really", and somebody
broke it down. I said "Thats crazy, I had no clue".
AB: Do feel any extra pressure being a white Muslim in America?
E: I don't think of it on the grand scale. To me, Islam is mine. Allah
is the God of all the worlds, and all mankind and all the Al-Amin. Islam
is my personal relationship with God. So, nobody can put any more
pressure on me than I can put on myself. But as far as the mosque where
I pray, I have never felt more at home or more welcome. And it's not
just mine. The few mosques that I've gone to around the country, I've
never ever been made to feel uncomfortable. Like
in New York the mosque is big and there's so many people that nobody is
lookin' to notice you. There were Chines, Korean, Spanish- everything.
Which was a good thing for me because at my mosque I'm the only white
male, there are some white females. I think at first I thought about it
more than anybody else, the first couple times I went to Juma (Friday
afternoon prayer). The first time I went to Juma I was taken by a friend
of mine in NY. It was in Brooklyn in Bed-Stuy. I was nervous about the
neighborhood I was in, not the mosque. But I was just so at ease once I
was there. I was like "This is great". I didn't feel any different than
anybody else in the mosque.
AB: How did your family take your turning to Islam? Because you were
raised Catholic, right?
E: Well, you know my mom is very open minded, very progressive. My
mother lives with me. And I've been raised all my life with not a BELIEF
in God, but a KNOWLEDGE that he exists. I was taught "If anything in the
world, know there's a God". Any my mom, even though she was Catholic she
was the first person to point out hypocrisy in the church. My mom really
hasn't attended church in a long time. But as far as me, my mom is just
happy that I have god in my life. She sees me making prayers. And Divine
is one of her favorite people in the world. She knows how much different
we are than when she first knew us as kids. When me and divine first
hooked up we were wild. We were out partyin', fightin', doin' whatever
we had to do. We thought "Yeah, that's what being a man is about. We're
gonna go out here and be thuggish". She has seen how much it's changed
me and him. And how much peace it's brought me since I've started to
really accomplish something with it. I actually had a long talk with my
mother the other day and we were on the topic of religion. We were
actually talking about life and death and the future and when she might
go. That won't be for a long time, inshalla (god willing). But I asked
her to do me one favor I said "Mom, if when you die there might be some
angels who ask you a question and I want you to answer it. and I'm not
ure exactly how it goes, 'cause I ain't died yet. Remember that there's
only one God, and he's never been a man". She said "I know what you are
trying to tell me. I said "Jesus wasn't God, ma". Some of what I know
has definitely shown up in my mother. She's no Muslim, but she knows
there's only one God. And that makes me very happy. I know guys that
have turned towards Islam and there families have turned them out.
AB: My family tried to. I just can't understand that. But you know what?
That's a trial. Although I've changed my name for like 8 years now. They
still run up calling me by my birth name. then it's "Oh I forgot that
you're Muslim". Then it's the pork jokes. It never stops.
E: It's one of those things where people laugh at what they don't
understand. Or they fear what they can't grasp. The thing is that nobody
can pretend that they don't understand it. Because I've never come
across anything more simple in my life. Like I remember that when I sat
down and asked "So, what does a Muslim believe"? And I got the list run
down to me.....I was like "You don't put up the wall between
Christianity and Judaism"? They were like "Nah, it's all the same
story". If when you finally get down to reading the Qu'ran, the Bible
and the Torah, which is pretty much just the Old Testament. You find
that the Qu'ran is just an affirmation of what is correct and isn't
correct within those books. And then you say to yourself "How did that
go down when these cats were all from different parts of the world"? But
they are all confirming each others story.
I'm reading a book right now called "Muhammad: The Life of the
Prophet", by Karen Armstrong. It was written by a non Muslim. So far,
I'm only about a quarter of the way through. but it starts out telling
you how they originally tried to make Muhammad look like the most evil
man on the earth. That he established Islam under the sword. But then
you learn that Muhammad only fought when he had to. Muhammad only fought
to defend Islam. It's a very good book about the man. It just lets you
know that this cat was MAN. We ain't trying to tell you that he was
anything else but a man. We're telling you as Muslims that he was the
most perfect example of a man to walk the earth so far. And from what
I've read he is the last one to come of his kind so far.
When you get beyond begin scared of Farrakhan and what he's
sayin'...And here as a white person I'm speaking.....when you get beyond
the ignorance of believing that Islam has anything to do with just
people that are blowing up things- that doesn't have anything to do with
Islam. THEY might do it in the name of Islam. But it has nothing to do
with Islam You can't argue with it. When I explain Jesus to a
Christian, the can't argue with me. And I don't mean argue, saying
"Jesus isn't God"!! I mean, how much more sense does it make that He's a
man? If I was Christian, which to me means to be Christ-like, and god
asks me "Hey how come you weren't more like Jesus". I'll say, I wasn't
more like Jesus because you made him half of a God. I'm only a man".
That doesn't make any sense. God doesn't want things hard on us. God
wants things easy as possible. Allah is going to make it as easy as
possible. If you ask and you are sincere, Allah WILL bring it to you. He
might throw some rocks on your path, to make you trip and stumble. But
it's gonna come to you.
AB: Talk to me about the first and second time you took your Shahada.
E: Well the first time it was right after I had heard a tape from Warith
Deen Muhammad (Elijah Muhammads son who left the N.O.I) That just kinda
broke down the whole Jesus thing. He explained that we (Muslims) do
Christians a great favor by bringing Jesus down to the level of a man.
Why would God create a man who is half a God and compare us to him? And
it just sent off a bomb in my head. So I took Shahada. And then the
initial high wore off. It was almost like a Christian who says that they
accept Jesus. Then they say, "No matter what I do now I'm saved".
'Cause I was raised with that kinda mentality. Like "OK, I accept the
truth so let me just go out here and sin my butt off and I'm saved". I
didn't really claim to be Muslim though at that time. I picked and chose
what I wanted to believe. Allah gave me leeway for a time. But
eventually it was time to fish or cut the line. I was coming to a point
where I was unsatisfied emotionally, and spiritually. I had money in the
bank and $100,000 car, women left and right...Everything that you think
you want. And then just sitting there being like "Why am I unhappy".
Finally that voice that talks to you- not the whisper.The voice said
"Well, basically you're unhappy because your living foul and your not
trying to do anything about it". My stubbornness at that time wouldn't
allow me to talk about it at that time. You get in that state of mind
where you're like "I can figure this out all by myself". I finally got
humble enough to talk to Divine and Abdullah about it. They asked me
"How do you feel? What do you think it is"? So finally I'm sittin' there
taking Shahada again. From that point on I've made a commitment where
I'm going to try my best. I'm gonna do my best to make my prayers, let's
start there. Let's not beat our selves up because we went out last night
and had a drink. Let's make our prayers and pray for the strength to
stop doing one thing at a time. That's what I'm still dealing with. You
know, one you get over the big things, it becomes very subtle. It can be
as subtle as looking a man, and not even speaking bad about him- but
back biting him in your mind. The easy ones to beat. Well, I shouldn't
say easy, the BIG ones are easy to notice. It's the subtle psychological
stuff that helps you get into who really you are. You gotta be able to
face the truth of who you are. If you are not able to face that truth of
who you are, you're gonna crumble, man. People question me and go
"You're Muslim"? And I'm like, "Yeah I'm Muslim, but I'm also a
professional sinner. I'm tryin' to get over it, tryin' to retire. I
won't front and say I'm better than you. I just believe that I've been
shown the truth and hopefully that will save me". By the end of my life
I'll hopefully be able to look back and say " Good and bad all in all I
did my best to be good and to be kind". One of the things I trip on in
the Qu'ran is that Allah tells us basically that the bad deeds you do
are only worth the bad deeds you do. But every good deed you do is worth
ten good deeds. That's God telling you "I'm gonna make it easier for
you. If you did ten bad things don't think ya lost! You can turn it
around, you don't have to accept that." And people think that you have
to change the world. You don't have to could the world. You could help
an old lady across the street. You could say a kind word to somebody.
It's that simple.I'm gettin' a lil lost here.
AB: Do you think that America will ever have a substantial number of
American white Muslims?
E: Yeah, I would like to think so.And if Allah wills it, who is gonna
stop it? Me Divine and Abdullah were talking the other day. They were
saying how there are a lot of Muslim countries in the world. that are in
turmoil. And if you put the fundamentals of Islam and put into effect,
you would call it a democracy. And a lot of the fundamentals of the Bill
of Rights are kind of Qu'ranic values when broken down to their simplest
form. But what better place for Allah to prove Islam would work but in
America? As far as like being the last bastion of Satan. But Islam is
just rising up in this place.Look at me. A tattooed rockin', bold
supposedly wild white man. Islam jumped into me. And it's tryin' to make
me the best I can be. But I didn't choose it. Do you understand what I'm
saying?
AB: You don't know if you chose Islam or if Islam chose you.
